Introducing: The Yeahbut

Every once and awhile, GGM gets treated to a special event; a real live chef comes to the Manor and cooks.  The kitchen tingles with anticipation; you can find all the necessary cooking and measuring utensils, pot lids come out of hiding from the back of cupboards and the fur-kids hover around the corner poised to snatch anything that drops to the floor.  Apparently the chef’s ‘ooopies!’ are more tastier than the 'slop' I normally prepare. 

The chef used to visit GGM and perform his kitcheny magic more often, but since his defection to Onterrible, sadly, the visits are less frequent, yet still highly anticipated.  Ironically, since gaining the ‘official’ title of chef, the protocol of preparing dinner has changed dramatically.  In the good ol’ days, he would invade my kitchen and refuse help.  I’d throw the ingredients on the counter, pour the wine and sit back in delight and watch the flurry of dicing, chopping, stirring and searing take place without lifting a finger. Every woman’s fantasy; a hot, straight, single guy cooking in their kitchen.    

But now the chef has decided to share his wisdom; which means I have to DO something besides observe and sip wine.  He thinks it’s educational because he throws fancy french words at me desperately trying to explain to me what a ‘mirepoix’ is and why it is so crucial the teeny tiny carrot, celery and onion cubes are precisely the same size.  I do a lot of head nodding, and ‘um hmming’ because I’m no fool;  I know that if I don’t look totally committed to perfecting the carrot cut that this yummy food goodness may cease and in his next visit the menu may consist of ‘mac et fromage’.   Florescent food is not good.

As usual, the meal is fabulous.  The chef can do anything; even reveal a bag of green puy lentls and turn it into a lip smacking delicacy.  Equally anticipated is our rich conversation which happens throughout the preparation, hovering and digestion of the meal. As always, we dig into several meaty topics, usually all at once and with our mouths full.  We’ve shared everything over the course of our friendship; all our adventures and misadventures, heart-throbs and heart breaks, successes and failures.  We know each other very well and as such we call each other’s bull shit, pose thought provoking questions, challenge decisions, encourage, advise and offer a different perspective on situations that otherwise leave unanswered questions or worse yet, lead to disastrous results. Tonight was no different.  I was schooled on some recent decisions as fervently as I was cutting those damn microscopic veggie cubies.  

Up to this point, this journey of mine has been challenging, yet exhilarating and quite rewarding.  But Phase II of January, focusing on The Temple, has proven to be more difficult than anticipated.  Regrettably, I’ve been visited by my old nemesis; The Yeahbut.’  The Yeahbut is a beguiling and seductive creature.  It exists to convince me do things I know I shouldn’t do, such as cast caution to the wind, abandon a plan, stray from my path and in some extreme cases, betray my heart and myself.  

Scientifically speaking, The Yeahbut is a parasite that gains strength from its host.  Its existence begins small and insignificant and gets more powerful with each victory it obtains.  Allow me to demonstrate; Me: ‘I am going to get up early tomorrow morning.’  Yeahbut: ‘You were up late last night so just take another 20 minutes to rest, you need it. Me: “I should go and work out.” Yeahbut: ‘You’ve been going all day, work out tomorrow.’ Me: “I’m not going to have a second glass of wine.” Yeahbut: ‘There’s only a small bit left in the bottle, it’ll go to waste’.  Me: “I’m going to meditate for a bit”. Yeahbut:  ‘You should get those dishes done first.‘  Me: “I’m not going to buy that.” Yeahbut: ‘You’ve been so disciplined, you deserve it’.  Me: “I’m going to listen to my head this time. I am not going to engage.” Yeahbut: ‘You know you want to, so do it.’

So with the Yeahbut living a little too large at GGM this past week, my path has become clouded, muddied, difficult to see.  I’ve lost some of the clarity of my direction and as The Yeahbut gains strength, my momentum slows down.  But, I’m still on the path damn it.  Admittedly, it feels like one leg is dangling precariously over the cliff, but dangling is better than jumping off with both feet and this time, I don’t quite feel like quitting.  

So I’m preparing The Yeahbut antidote.  It is a highly sophisticated concoction and although I’m not quite versed in the precise french preparation of it, here’s the rough ingredients: one part forgiveness, two parts courage, a handful of discipline, a pinch of stubbornness, a dollop of encouragement and finally a generous heaping of love; as much as is laying around the Manor.  I’m going to add in some of those microscopic veggie cubies, just for taste.