Rules of Engagement

Tantrums are a blessed event.  They are cathartic, powerful, engaging, and really, an excellent cardio workout.  They help you get in touch with some strong inner emotions. Sure, those emotions may spontaneously explode and spill out all over the floor and any poor bystander within a 10 km radius of said tantrum but, hey! they are, in short, a fine piece of live theatre.  

If you don’t believe me, I highly recommend you swing by Girly Girl Manor’s frequent production of ‘The Monkey’s Melting Down’, starring the resident thespian herself.  She puts on a good show.  Really throws herself into her work.  The really fun thing is, you’re never quite sure when the show’s about to start.  Oh there’s subtle hints the performance is about to begin, when you hear a saucy ‘no’ thrown here or there, normally followed by arm folding, and the tell tale appearance of a melodramatic pout; a lip so pronounced you could easily store $5 in change.  By far, my personal favourite is the spaghetti leg dance.

Escalating into the second act, the tempo quickens.  There is dramatic foot stomping, yelling and the occasional throwing of clothing, books and even a cherished stuffed animal, depending on the actresses particular muse for the evening.  On some nights, the resident thespian kicks it up a notch and engages the audience by throwing out a  ‘You’re mean’ or ‘I don’t like you’.  Although audience participation is apparently encouraged, it’s not always wise to upstage the actress while she’s in character.  

There is never an intermission.

The final act usually involves a quick exit off stage, puddles of tears and finally, when the audience cannot endure one more dramatic event to unfold, the actress pauses; and breaks into a heartfelt soliloquy so sweet, it brings the audience to their feet, tears to their eyes, cheering; ‘Encore! Encore!’  It. Is. Good. Stuff.

When we grow up, tantrums aren’t quite as entertaining. In fact, they are highly discouraged.  If you don’t believe me, I would suggest you walk into work tomorrow, fling yourself to the floor, kicking and screaming in your boss’s office yelling; “I want a raise!  I deeeeessserrrvvve it! Why won’t you give meeeeeee more moonnnneyyyyy!”  (make sure to throw in the spaghetti leg dance for good measure).  

Sadly, it is true.  As adults, we are socialized to; ‘take the high-road’, not to ‘stoop’ to someone else’s level, to ‘fight fair’, to be MATURE.  But sometimes, events in our lives make us just want to throw a tantrum.  For some, the triggering event may happen while driving; say, behind someone going 40 in a 60, signaling left, NO! right, NO! Ooopsie! left again.  For others, it occurs witnessing socks carelessly discarded in the middle of the living room floor.  These events are usually not intended to provoke a tantrum; they are merely the bi-product of another’s blissful ignorance. 

Now, intentional provocation and injustice?  That’s what sets me over the edge and let me tell you, I’ve got good reason to throw one whopper of a tantrum ~ a doozie.  I’ve been bamboozled, ignored and lied to.  I’ve been provoked, poked and antagonized.  I’ve been the recipient of a veritable cornucopia of school-yard type behaviour and let me tell ya, the culprit is far from school aged.  

What have I done in response?  I, have obeyed ALL the grown up rules.  I have been logical, mature, fought fair and taken the high road(s).  I, became ZEN. I’ve taken all of these experiences and grown wiser and stronger.  Not to brag, but even Master Yoda would praise my resistance to the Dark Side.  ‘hmmm. Wise you’ve become. Powerful with the ‘Force’ you are.’

That was then.  

During the latest engagement I secretly proclaimed; ‘screw the highroad.  I just want to have a big, elaborate, dramatic, snot flying, feet stomping hands flailing, end up in a big-sweaty-puddle-on-the-floor tantrum.  I. WANT. ONE.’

Therefore, I hereby proclaim  a new grown up rule. IF you’ve been the bigger person and; IF you’ve taken the high road and IF you’ve shared nicely with others AND played by ALL the rules, you get to have one glorious tantrum.  I hereby give you permission to completely unwrap; go ahead, knock yourself out.  Here, throw this; you’ll feel fantastic.